Dear Mom on Her iPhone – Oh Wait, That Was Me

Though I have been that “mom on her iPhone at the park” checking a work email or sending a photo to Daddy while he’s on the business trip (dirty looks and all), I try to keep my eyes on my kids more than on my phone. I don’t judge others but I’m aware of the pull of technology and try to keep myself in check. Bedtime with Mommy is a story, some rocking, a little back rubbing and a kiss and hug goodnight. It has always bugged me that my husband would just sit on the rocking chair and play on his phone while my son went to sleep.

So, why did I spend the last few nights in that rocking chair with my nose in my phone? Let me back up.

My 5 year old recently had a fire safety lesson at school. We had the normal chats about a fire safety plan and what we would do in the event of a fire. We talked about our sprinkler system, the huge tank we have in case the well pump failed, and our smoke detectors. One evening, we had a false alarm where the detector screeched 3 times (and since they are interconnected, all 7 of them screeched.) It did it again and my son was extremely upset by it each time. It turned out to just be dusty and it’s fixed now, but naturally, it had to happen one last time, at 3:30 A.M. (I looked up reviews for the brand we have and apparently 3:30 A.M. is a popular time for a false alarm. I’ll just say I was seriously considering shelling out $200 for 7 new ones.)

I ended up spending the rest of the night “sleeping” on his floor, and he panicked when my husband’s alarm clock sounded, and anytime he heard anything remotely like an alarm. Sometimes as a parent you have to make the call as to whether your child is genuinely concerned or perhaps manipulating you a little bit, and my son was definitely scared. We talked a lot more about fire safety and I think it’s the noise that incites the fear.

Since this happened he hasn’t wanted to be apart from me at all & wants to know where I am at all times. If he’s on the couch and I go to fold laundry (right off the kitchen) he wants to make sure he knows where I am. He is terrified if I close the door to put his brother to bed.

As much as I love my kids, I’m kind of ready to “punch out” at bedtime. There are always dishes to do, things to be cleaned and work to be done. I look forward to a little bit of time to relax before I go to bed too. Since this happened, my son panics if I leave the room before he’s completely asleep. Door creaks? Back in I go. Naturally, this happened during a week when my husband has been gone a lot for work, appointments, and his friend’s wedding, leaving me alone with the kids from the time they get up to the time they go to bed. That makes for long days and low patience. I’m not proud to say that by the 3rd night of this I was pretty much done and may or may not have raised my voice.

I’m not a perfect mother and every day there’s at least one thing I wish I’d done differently, and any time I raise my voice I’m angry with myself, and sad for my kids. In this case it was my frustration at being “stuck” in his room every night that wore my patience thin. So, I took a page from the Daddy playbook and brought my phone up with me. We did our usual bedtime, and I sat while he chatted about school and all sorts of fun things 5 year olds think of as they’re falling asleep.

Then, when it was time to be still and go to sleep, I pulled out my phone. I played a game, I checked Facebook, I liked some Instagram photos. When he was asleep, I crept out (I left the door open wide enough to slip thorough so it didn’t creak this time!) It was the perfect solution for me. I don’t often get a chance to just waste time like that fooling around on my phone, so it was actually a nice break for me.

2 days ago, his school sent the above email during the school day and I forwarded it to my husband with an “uh oh, wonder how that went.” Our son was not at all bothered by it, or any fire drills at school because it’s “not as loud.” Go figure!

I know that some will say that sitting in his room until he falls asleep isn’t a good idea. Others will say I should never have my phone at bedtime. It’s easy to be an armchair referee when it isn’t your kid or your life but this is working for me. When he feels more comfortable, we’ll ease back into our old bedtime routine, and I’m sure that will include a few nights of him pretending to be afraid in order to get me to stay longer. For now, he has Mommy close by and I get to relax and watch him fall asleep. It makes me sad to know how quickly he’ll be all grown up and I won’t be able to listen to his breathing and see those sweet eyelashes on fluttering lids. Someone is probably thinking that I should be savoring these days to sit with my chin on my hand and stare at him until he falls asleep. The reality of that is that I’d be thinking “Oh how sweet. I really need to do those dishes. Did I leave laundry in the dryer? I think I forgot to sweep after dinner.” This arrangement gives me an excuse to just sit and be. So “dear Mom on her iPhone,” do what works for you. High five for technology.

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