I had no idea how to title this post. What my daughter wanted for her birthday, was for her and I to have a “girl’s day” and go shopping, have lunch and…get our nails done. We did this Sunday. I had hoped to skate by with just getting her a manicure but no…the two of us ended up getting “spa pedicures” and manicures. Perhaps I am the only one, but I did not find this at all relaxing. I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible and get out.
I have a lot of social anxiety; even a visit with my husband’s family is incredibly stressful for me (even knowing that a visit is coming up in months/weeks is enough to give me heart palpatations.) I have a very difficult time when I can’t understand what someone is saying to me, either because they are speaking too quickly, too quietly, or have a thick accent. I tend to say “what” or “excuse me” twice before I give up and just smile, nod or say “oh.” This gets me into trouble and usually leaves me feeling an inch tall. I don’t go to Chipotle anymore because I am not able to actually order and get what I want, and I’m typically near tears by the time I get through the line (yes, dumb I know.)
So anyway, at the nail salon, since I’ve only gone to one a few times ever, I wasn’t versed in where to go when, picking a color etc. I am so afraid to speak up that I tolerated the nearly scalding water in the basin (my feet were red when I took them out), a “hot stone massage” that was closer to torture, and an antsy, whiny 8 year old sitting while I got a manicure I’d just as soon not have.
I feel like a complete jerk saying “I don’t understand what you’re saying” so I ended up not only with a manicure, but a “shellac” manicure, which was incredibly thick and heaped over my cuticles/the edge of my nails. I gathered that it was supposed to last longer, and when I asked if it off comes with nail polish remover, I only caught “3 weeks” and “next time.” To be honest with you, I didn’t care. I just really, really wanted to pay and get out of there. I’m not saying how much it cost because it was a little obscene, but I knew going in that it would be that way. It wasn’t about the nails, it was about the “girl time” and making my daughter feel special for her birthday. So when the nail person asked me if they looked good, I just nodded and smiled.
I warned her that the polish wouldn’t last long, but she was still disappointed that it was chipping off the very next day. She said “next time” (*dies* please no) she wants to get the stuff like mine.
OK so it was all I could do not to take the stuff off the very next day, but I resisted, only trying to get it off my cuticles. By Wednesday (today as I write), I couldn’t stand it being heaped over the side of my nails anymore, and tried to chip it off. I guess because it was over the edge of my nails, water got underneath some of them, so big chunks lifted off. I grabbed some nail polish remover & cotton balls and…Googled “how to remove shellac manicures.” *sigh* The stuff easily peeled off my nails near the cuticle, but I guess it is better adhered to the ends of my nails because it isn’t coming off. I guess I am going to have to go to the drugstore to get acetone with half painted nails. Bah.
I realize it is my own fault and I need to learn to speak up, but for me it is easier to just avoid situations like this. I panic, I can’t breathe, my heart pounds, I feel dizzy, and I have to struggle not to cry. Relaxing. Not. My hubby has a membership to a massage/spa place and mentioned that he can pay a fee to transfer a massage to me. I made a joke about them not wanting to see my post-baby body but really, the idea terrifies me. Hubby and I had massages together years ago and I was completely tense the entire time, like more tense than before, LOL. I just couldn’t wait for it to be over.
I wish I wasn’t like this. I want to be able to spend time with my daughter and do the things she likes. I’m sure I could ask my mother-in-law to take her the next time they are up visiting, but then part of me would feel jealous that she would be doing that with my daughter instead of me being there. So dumb I know! Gah!