Note: This post speaks humorously about the fun things involved with “full-term”/”extended”/toddler breastfeeding. If this offends you, back away now.
I nursed my first two children until approximately age 2. I think it’s time I laid out some ground rules for my 1-year old when “dining at Mom’s.”
- When dining at Mom’s, kindly wait to be “seated.” This is not a serve yourself buffet; particularly-please do not stick your hand in the “dish” and attempt to help yourself.
- Please consume one course at a time and keep your hands off the second course. It is not a radio dial.
- While I marvel at your creative dining positions, please refrain from kicking the waitress in the face.
- If you “walk” away from your meal, don’t be surprised when it’s been covered for safekeeping when you return.
- Please do not chomp your beverage vessel. Teeth are cool and all, but…just, no. (Don’t bite your friends.)
- If you would like something to do while enjoying your meal, please choose an activity that doesn’t involve trying to yank your waitress’s lips off.
- When you come in at 2 AM for a snack, don’t be surprised if the waitress wants you to eat & get out. This ain’t Chuck e Cheese.
- Belching is OK, even encouraged. Your waitress will take it as a compliment after a good meal. Other gas passing may make your server giggle.
- Most importantly, tip your server. Accepted payment methods include hugs, kisses and cuddles.
This is of course meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Nursing a toddler is an adventure, but I support breastfeeding as long as mom and baby want to. I can’t help but chuckle when someone implies that mothers continue to nurse their toddlers for “selfish reasons.” (wiping a tear of laughter from my eye.)
Have you nursed a toddler?