You may have seen my post about my breastfeeding experiences, but I didn’t say much about nursing in public, A.K.A. “N.I.P.” (aside from the delivery room.) I said I was going to stay away from controversy, and breastfeeding in public seems to be full of it, even amongst breastfeeding supporters! This post is just my usual rambling about what I think. One of my many mottos is “live and let live,” so I really don’t give a Guinea pig’s patootie what you do and I am certainly not intending to shove my opinions down anyone’s throat!

I have heard so many people say they are all for a woman’s right to nurse her baby anywhere…as long as she “covers up.” But what does that even mean? There are lots of covers out there…most remind me of a beautician’s cape/raincoat or something. Some have a rigid collar so Mom can peek and see the baby without being exposed. Some throw a blanket over their shoulder/baby, or others like me wear layers. So what does “covered” mean? I’ve always worn either a nursing top, or a shirt over a tank, so I can pull one up, the other down, and keep my breast and stomach covered (believe me, I’d rather show my milk jug than my postpartum tummy, LOL.) The baby’s face covers the Janet Jackson/Superbowl portion of the whole deal.

It’s possible that someone could catch a glimpse if they were inches from me and staring directly at my chest as the baby unlatched, but I could typically tell when my little ones were getting to that point, and I’d have my other hand ready to yank my shirt down immediately.

I am pretty comfortable nursing anywhere with this method. My kids would not nurse if they were covered. They’d squirm, thrash, squeal, and generally refuse to nurse. With my layer method, I’ve nursed babes to sleep in restaurants (and enjoyed my meal-one handed-in peace and quiet!) and even nursed at the National Zoo. I fact, I’ve had people come close enough to touch the baby’s head, and they still thought s/he was sleeping!

Certainly if you are comfortable with a nursing cover, more power to you. For me, the cape dealie combined with the screeching, uncooperative baby under it feels like a flashing, neon sign advertising what I’m doing. When I’m “N.I.P.” I generally avoid eye contact with anyone, and if I feel (or see out of the corner of my eye) any nasty looks, I’ll talk to the baby, engage my daughter in conversation and/or stare off into the distance and smile sweetly. I’ve never had anyone say anything to me, and I don’t know what I’d do if someone did. The idea makes my heart pound and my cheeks flush, but I’d probably just end up crying from embarrassment!

I’ve nursed a baby while grocery shopping as well. Again, it ends up looking like I’m holding a sleeping baby, and no one’s shopping is disrupted. The other option? Carrying a screeching baby, purse and coupon book through the store, herding my daughter along (pretty soon I will be holding 1 and herding 2!), abandoning my cart while trying to find a place to nurse the baby. Many times I’d end up in the uncomfortably hot or cold car, with whiny, bored other children. Only to go back in and start all over. Both of my kids tended to want to nurse a bit more for comfort when we were away from home, and they often ended up dozing afterwards, which is a total win-win.

For whatever reason, I don’t care much about what strangers think. I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m not showing anything, and I’m doing the most convenient, least disruptive thing for everyone involved. If some stranger ends up telling their neighbor about the crazy breastfeeding lady at the store later, who cares? I’ll never know, I’ll never see them again, and they’ll forget about it by tomorrow.

I feel different about people I know. Whether I have a guest at my home, or I’m a guest in someone else’s home, I will say “do you mind if I nurse here?” Generally the answer is “oh no, go right ahead!” If someone preferred I didn’t, I would definitely ask if there was another place I could go to sit (that’s never happened.) I can’t get comfortable nursing around my in-laws (they did not nurse and were not nursed either), so I end up hiding out when they are visiting while I’m nursing. My kids aren’t typically nurse and done babies, they graze a bit, doze off a little etc. If I try to rush them to get back to the visit, it just leads to a ticked off baby and trips up and downstairs.

My Mom is funny because she will shoo my Dad away/out of the room if I’m nursing, but it doesn’t bother me (or him) one bit. *shrug* I know I made my sister’s boyfriend uncomfortable when I nursed my son across the dinner table in a little cafe, but again, he couldn’t see a thing, and we were all able to enjoy our meals (it was freezing outside and there was simply nowhere else for me to go.) He didn’t say anything, nor did my sister, so hopefully it didn’t bother them too much!

I found it interesting when I went to a “nurse-in” at the mall, and saw everyone’s various nursing styles. There were people with stomachs and breasts totally exposed, some with shirts pulled down and upper breasts exposed, and others who were more inconspicuous like me. None of it bothers me a bit personally. You could take your shirt completely off to nurse and use your nursing bra as a lasso to wrangle your other child…while I might think you were a little weird, I wouldn’t be “offended.” What makes me uncomfortable is making someone else uncomfortable. My instinct is to look at the baby, which makes it look like I’m trying to sneak a peek at the goods, LOL. So I end up having no idea where to look, and getting very squirmy while trying to have a conversation with a nursing mama.

At the “nurse in” I couldn’t help but think that the most “free” breastfeeding mamas were still showing far less skin than at least half of the teenage girls walking around the mall (that are supposedly “fully clothed”) and I won’t even talk about people’s bathing suit coverage! The way I see it, if you see something that offends you, look away. When I took my kids to the carnival, there was a “young man” wearing a shirt that read in big, bold letters “I may be shy, but I have a big …” only his shirt had the d word that rhymes with kick instead of “…” I find that (and those “dangly things” people put on the back of their pickup trucks) to be rather tactless, distasteful, and just plain yucky. So, I look away. Unfortunately having a child who can read makes it more difficult!! For the record, I’m not a total prude, if he wanted to wear that to a bar or something, fine, but why would you wear that at 6 P.M. somewhere that’s full of little kids? Bah.

The other “issue” is that people have different “cut offs” for when a baby is “too old” to nurse in public. Again, I don’t really care what other people do. Though both of my kids nursed until almost two (and my son nursed a lot) no one other than my husband and Mom really knew they were “still nursing” since I was able to distract/delay them a bit as they got older. Well, except the time my 16 month old daughter saw an infant nursing and suddenly decided she needed to “nuss…NUSS!!” right NOW! I thought it was cute, but I realize a lot of people think it’s “gross.”

I was reading a book by Dr. Leman, and I thought it was pretty decent until I read a seemingly random paragraph basically saying that any mother who nursed past 12 months was doing it for selfish reasons and essentially needed some therapy. OK yes, I know I’m taking liberties here but it was enough to make my blood boil and cause my hubby to have to listen to a 10 minute rant about what an idiot this guy is, followed by a vow to boycott him forever. We were outside working in the yard with the radio on last week and some commercial about his wife came on. My husband was confused since I started a mumbling rant about her idiot husband, tee-hee!

Anyhoo, the most recent breastfeeding statistics for Maryland I could find, actually show Maryland’s rates as slightly higher than the national. I find that truly shocking since it seems so rare (and really, the rates are still pretty abyssmal.)

Other than the nurse in, I recall two three occasions where I saw another mom breastfeeding. I almost don’t count the first since it was in the “nursing lounge” a.k.a. bathroom at Nordstrom. Another time, we were eating at a festival at the farm near our house, and saw a mom nursing. I was so surprised and pleased to see another nursing mom, that I think I looked at her a few seconds too long, and she gave me a dirty look. Whoops.

The last time was actually not too long ago at Target. It was a rare trip without the kiddos, and as I was walking out the door, I saw a Mom with 2 other kids, what looked like her Mom, nursing a baby under one of the big cape cover dealies. Again, I was so surprised, that I gave her a double take. I’m not the type to say anything to anyone, but I made the split second decision to tell her she was full of the awesome and to rock on (not my exact words.) We ended up chatting for a few minutes and I left feeling all warm & fuzzy. Really, I thought about how a quick kind word would probably stick with me for the rest of my life, whereas I’d probably take the double take (like I gave her) as negative.

Are you comfortable nursing in public? Do you feel different nursing around strangers vs. people you know?

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When my daughter was born, breastfeeding didn’t come naturally. It was awkward & weird, especially with a whole roomful or virtual strangers in the delivery room. Fortunately my L&D nurse (who was someone I went to High School with-not as awkward as I was afraid it would be) helped me express a bit of colostrum and get her latched on.

As is so typical, my daughter lost quite a bit of weight rather quickly (well within the range of normal) and I bet it was largely because her birth weight was so grossly inflated by the bags upon bags of fluid I was given during labor. I didn’t have a single decent postpartum nurse after her birth, and I was very quickly told that I “had” to give her formula and if I didn’t, the pediatrician would “make” me. I was pretty beaten down after a crappy birth experience and zero sleep in days thanks to all the “checking” on me or my room mate, and I gave in. She took about 1/4 ounce of formula and refused any more. The photo of my husband feeding her the bottle is the only one I have of them in the hospital and I can’t stand to look at it. Not because I judge those who use it, but because of how I refused to stand up for myself and allowed myself to be bullied throughout the whole experience.

She was born just after midnight on a Sunday and we had to beg to go home on Monday-about 39 hours after her birth. My son was born 2 hours earlier, before midnight on a Saturday, and Monday was the normal time to be discharged-about 41 hours after his birth-go figure. A pediatrician came in the hospital room and reamed me out because “we fought so hard to get the two days in the hospital” and here I go setting woman-kind back 50 years by wanting to leave. Plus, I was a “first time mom” and “breastfeeding” (said like I had two heads.)

When my son was born, it was still awkward to be exposed in front of a bunch of people, but he latched like an old pro in the delivery room. It was like he was born to breastfeed, and a nurse told me it was because only one of us was learning this time. I had one fantastic postpartum nurse who told me not to worry when I asked how much weight he’d lost, that was why babies were born with chub! He actually didn’t lose any weight worth mentioning, and I do think it was because I didn’t have IV fluids during labor. I did still get the threat of formula though. At our hospital they make you fill out a chart with when they eat, how long/much and when they have wet or dirty diapers. They didn’t bring me the chart until he was more than 12 hours old, so they got all confused reading the chart, thinking he hadn’t had a wet diaper etc etc. I cleared that up and they left me alone!

Breastfeeding my daughter was so incredibly painful that for weeks, I would cry when she got hungry. I used soothies gel pads (now made by Lansinoh) and they helped, but it was still torture. I had just a few “yowza, that smarts” moments with my son, but any pain was short lived. I did see the lactation consultant in the hospital, but it was a total joke. She didn’t check latch or help in any way. What she did was fit me for a nursing bra, put it on me, latch it, say “that fits” and left me standing there saying “uuhhh…my breasts aren’t in it.” (She had the cups way up over my chest.) Even that was disastrous since I ended up with a band too big and a cup too small, which just got worse as my size settled down over a few weeks (note: my personal recommendation is to stick with stretchy sleep/sport type nursing bras for the first few weeks, and wait to get bras with band/cup sizes.)

My daughter was born Sunday after midnight, and my milk didn’t come in until Wednesday night. I have fibrocystic breasts, so they are normally lumpy. Wednesday, they became soft and smooth, and boiling hot, then turned rock hard shortly after! With my son, I never experienced a rush of engorgement, my milk just came in quickly.

A common theme for both is that neither cared for the bottle. We tried when they were newborns and they did OK, but we waited to long to try again and they refused. They’d rather go hungry. I suspect that my milk has excess lipase, so I hope to try to scald expressed milk next time. I know pumping/bottles aren’t necessary, but it would be nice to be able to go to the grocery store by myself without worrying about having a hungry baby at home. (My kids didn’t read the books saying they were “supposed to” nurse every 2 hours, LOL.)

Both kids were/are tiny and quickly fell off the growth charts (my daughter wasn’t on it until 2 1/2, my son got on it at his 2-year checkup!) Being a first time mom and breastfeeder, this meant she was subjected to numerous invasive and painful tests and procedures. Even though she was just fine per WHO growth standards, exceeding milestones and showing no symptoms, most doctors have no idea how to look at the baby, not the scale.

We had an old school doctor (who should have retired a long time ago) tell us to just give her cereal and formula in a bottle (at two weeks old.) Luckily we found the pediatrician we see now, who was far more conservative and said he’d “take IQ over weight any day.” He is far from perfect; he doesn’t really understand night or extended nursing (I just keep that to myself!) but he never mentioned formula. When my son followed the same patterns, he chalked it up to genetics and we went about our lives.

As my daughter ate more food after she turned one, she gradually and naturally reduced her nursing frequency. My son on the other hand, was always a constant nurser! Our daughter was/is a high needs and rather difficult child, and we had no interest in having another any time soon. At my annual checkup when she was 18 months old, my doctor prescribed combination birth control pills. She said that the estrogen could “reduce milk supply” but I really wasn’t worried. Little did I know that it wouldn’t “reduce” my supply, it would make it disappear! In hindsight, I know I could have stopped the pills and relactated, but I developed a nursing aversion and found it to be so godawful torturous, I just wanted it to be over. She continued to dry nurse (mostly before bed) for 3 1/2 months, and finally weaned at 21 1/2 months old. I suppose it was slightly bittersweet, but I was beyond ready, and relieved to be done.

When I had my son, I was bound & determined to let him self wean, but again at around 18 months (no birth control this time), I started to find nursing physically and emotionally irritating. I had resumed my cycles when he was around 15 1/2 months old (10 with my daughter) but I wonder if the aversion started when my fertility actually returned? When he was 22 months old, I became pregnant with the baby I’m currently cooking. I didn’t have a lot of soreness initially, and I ate oatmeal, drank water and took supplements, determined to get through the pregnancy without losing my milk supply.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, around 8 or so weeks, my milk supply dwindled, then disappeared. He pretty suddenly stopped asking to nurse; he had been nursing first thing in the morning, at least 1-2 more times before lunch, 2-3 times in the afternoon, once or twice in the evening, and again before bed, so 6-9 times a day. He would latch on now and again, either falling asleep right away, or making a face and pulling off. He started to go days, then a week or more between nursings, eventually nursing for the last time a few days before his second birthday.

I do miss that special bond and cuddle time, but the nursing aversion has again made me rather glad to be finished. The hardest part for us is that my son is a non-napper. He will fall asleep in the car, and he’d fall asleep nursing, but I just can’t put him down. He had gotten into the habit of falling asleep during his afternoon nursing, and I’d just hold him and let him sleep. When he stopped nursing, we didn’t have that time anymore. For a month or so, he’d be really crabby, then fall asleep in the car when we picked my daughter up from school. Unfortunately that’s less than an hour round trip, including waiting in line, and I’m not able to transfer him from the car to his bed.

When school let out, we lost that nap too, so he just gets incredibly crabby in the afternoon. When swim lessons began, he’d fall asleep on the 15 minute car ride (around 6 PM) and he was so tired, he’d sleep while I took him out of the car, walked down to the pool and sat down through the 45 minute swim lesson! On non-swim lesson days, he’s started to fall asleep face down on the floor, on my lap, anywhere! I still can’t get him to nap in bed though!

I’m hoping that nursing baby #3 will go as smoothly as nursing my son, but I’m still worried about the nursing aversion I seem to develop around 18 months. I want the baby to wean on his/her own terms, but I hate for my last memories of nursing to be horrible and awful ones!

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